Hitman Interviews
by Muse Sullivan
Summary: Tsuna gives you the behind the scenes look at Vongola, Varia and the Acrobaleno. Major OOC
1. Chapter 1: Vongola

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

**Hitman Interviews**

**Target 1: Vongola**

**Tsuna:** "Hi, I'm Tsuna, you know….. That main character who pisses you off because he whines and complains without going complete badass until episode 26 but returns to a whinny brat again?"

**Tsuna:** :Well yeah that's me. Today I'm gonna show you why we picked the cast for the Vongola's main team. First we have (looks at papers) Ryohei!"

**Tsuna:** "Why should you be in Vongola?"

**Ryohei:** "Extreme!"

**Tsuna:** "Next!"

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Tsuna:

"Why should you be in Vongola?"

**Lambo:** "Duh, cause I'm the baby. So the audience will find me cute and adorable. They'll love me cause I make your life miserable and they obviously hate you for 2 whole seasons. And plus I bring up ratings and will have the most important role in the show for season 4."

**Tsuna:** "Are you always this smart?"

**Lambo:** "Duh, it's called acting. Dumbass."

**Tsuna:** "Next!"

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Tsuna:

"Why should you be in Vongola?"

**Gokudera:** "Cause, I'll be cool for 2 episodes before I start kissing your feet and the groud you walk on and stealing all your left socks."

**Tsuna:** (Looks at his left foot and sees no sock): "Next!"

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Yamamoto:

I like baseball and my dad is coincidently the last samurai and if you search up my name on Google you'll find Japanese models!"

**Tsuna:** "You're in!"

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Tsuna:

"Why should you be in Vongola?"

**Chrome:** "I'll kiss you then sex change making you and the viewers feel very, very awkward or reveal your viewers are sick perverts."

**Tsuna:** "Next!"

**Rokudo:** "Put Chrome in or I'll kill you." (Flashes creepy award winning smile)

**Tsuna:** "Okay……… but we that have to kiss right?"

-Rokudo walks away-

**Tsuna:** "Right?!"

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Tsuna:

"Why should you be in Vongola?"

**Hibari:** "I'll bite you to death."

**Tsuna:** "Doesn't skin taste nasty?"

**Hibari:** "It really does but the producers force me to say it or they'll kill my adorable pets."

**Tsuna:** "Aren't you supposed to be badass?"

**Hibari:** "Not really, I like rainbows and nice long walks on the beach."

**Tsuna:** O.O

**Hibari:** "But I'm being watched."

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Tsuna:

"Why should you guys be my alter dying egos?"

**Dying Will Tsuna:** "I'LL BE PERFECT LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!"

**Hyper Will Tsuna:** "I'm Sexy, look at my eyes."

**Tsuna** (To Reborn): "I want the sexy one."

**Reborn:** "Well, since no one else interviewed for those roles we had to give the rejects a spot anyways."

**-Next time Varia-**


	2. Chapter 2: Varia

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

**Hitman Interviews**

**Target 2: Varia**

**Tsuna:** "Okay, Hitman Fans! We're back with another segment on Hitman Interviews!"

**Reborn:** "Today we are interviewing everyone's favorite villains who are really allies which made no sense, since they still wanna kill us."

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Tsuna:

"First is Lussiria, Lussuria how the hell did you come back to life after getting shot point blank by Xanxus?"

**Lussuria:** "Anime."

**Tsuna:** "Wait that doesn't make sense…"

**Lussuria:** "Anime."

**Tsuna:** "But we saw you die….."

**Lussuria:** "Anime."

**Tsuna:** "You can't just ignore the laws of physics like that!"

**Lussuria:** "Little boy are you listening I said, Anime."

**Tsuna:** "Next!"

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Tsuna:

"So Levi, what kind of heartless man kills 5 year old kids when they aren't real villians?"

**Levi:** "The same kind that kills kindergarteners in the playground!"

**Tsuna (nervously looking around):** "SECURITY!"

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Tsuna:

"My question to you is why just why?"

**Bel:** "Why, what?"

**Tsuna:** "Why are you here? Your obviously bait for fan girls we really, really, really don't want."

**Bel:** "What's wrong with fan girls?"

**Tsuna points to Haru:** "That's what's wrong."

**Haru:** "I LOVE TSUNA-SAN!"

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Tsuna:

"So, Squalo."

**Squalo:** "What?!"

**Tsuna:** "What kind of shampoo do you use?"

**Squalo:** "What, what kind of interview is this?!"

**Tsuna:** "What made you cut your hand?"

**Squalo:** "The producers paid me!"

**Tsuna:** "If the Rain represents tranquility, why are you so loud? Don't you ever shut up?"

**Squalo (trying to grab Tsuna's neck):** "Why you little!"

**Tsuna:** "SECURITY!"

**Squalo (being pulled away by mafia guards):** "By the way I use Garnier Fructis!"

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Tsuna:

"Finally the moment everyone's been waiting for, Xanxus, what the hell?"

**Xanxus:** "Was that supposed to be a question?"

**Tsuna:** "Yes and what I meant was what the hell are you doing here? You sound like a Kingdom Hearts reject, did you fail getting into to Organization XIII?"

"You're name without Xs spell Anus."

"Your quote about Xanxus means 10th actually meant 20th, so wait in line!"

"Your box animal sucks! Only cause mine is cuter."

"Did you seriously have nothing better to do than to get out there and kill high school kids, I mean how old are you, like 20?!"

"And what's with the Hibari haircut in the future arc season?!"

"Also, how dare you think you'd win the Vongola Rings? Have you seen my hyper form?!"

**Hyper Form Tsuna:** "I'm sexy."

**Tsuna:** "Exactly!"

**Xanxus (pulls out guns):** "You're irritating me."

**Tsuna:** "What are you gonna do about it, you're a Nobody."

**Roxas from Kingdom Hearts:** "Wow I like how you worked in that joke."

**Tsuna:** "Thanks now let's laugh in Xanxus face!"

**Roxas and Tsuna:** LOAO!

Xanxus runs out of the room almost crying.

**Tsuna:** "Well that's all for today folks, see us next time!"

Next: Acrolabeno


	3. Chapter 3: Acrobaleno

I sorry I took so long hope this is worth the wait.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

**Hitman Interviews**

**Target 3: Acrobaleno**

**Tsuna:** "Okay, Hitman Fans, Happy Thanks giving week! We're back for another chapter with the cursed babies the acrobalenoes!"

**Haru:** "Today I'll be helping Tsuna because reborn is going to be interviewed along with the otner acrobalenoes."

**Tsuna:** "Wait.. What? When did this happen?"

**Haru:** "Every since Haru's Dangerous Interviews got canceled."

**Tsuna:** "Did you know why you were canceled?"

**Haru:** "Not really."

**Tsuna:** "Because your show was nothing but a load of bull, not to mention you were nothing but a fan girl taking up precious screen time that viewers would be viewing their hitman reborn instead of watching 12 minutes of Reborn then 10 minutes of you messing up the manga!"

**Haru:** "Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

**Tsuna:** "Get off my show, now."

**[Haru runs off crying]**

**Tsuna:** "Okay today replacing Haru who was replacing Reborn is Kyoko!"

**Angry Fans:** "What!"

**[Kyoko enters with her infamous giggle]**

**Tsuna:** "Alright lets bring in our first baby, Colonnello!"

**Colonnello:** "Sup, maggots!"

**Tsuna:** "Hey Colonnello, we noticed that you weren't with the original acrobalenoes what made you run into the cursed light."

**Colonnello:** "Well, the lights were pretty, maggots."

**Tsuna:** "Colonnello, you do know you're not really 5 years old right give us a serious answer."

**Colonnello:** "That is my answer, maggots."

**Tsuna groans in disappointment:** "So pretty much you're an important character that Lal Mirch needed to have more screen time."

**Colonnello:** "Yeah, pretty much, maggots."

**Tsuna:** "What do you have to say Kyoko?"

**Kyoko giggles.**

**Tsuna:** "Thank you, next!"

**Tsuna:** "Hello, Skull, how are you doing to today?"

**Skull:** "This is my chance to get everyone to respect me!"

**Tsuna:** "Umm, sure, go luck with that. Next!"

**Tsuna:** "Viper, I have one question?"

**Viper:** "Hurry up I'm not getting paid enough to be here."

**Tsuna:** "Okay, Are you sure you weren't suppose to be a girl?"

**Viper:** "What's that suppose to mean?"

**Tsuna:** "Well, it's the way you wear your clothes, your voice, I mean I know you're suppose to have a babies' voice but the first time I heard you I thought you were a girl."

**Viper:** "But what's wrong with my clothes?"

**Tsuna:** "To tell you the truth, you look like an amateur striper undercover, I'm just saying I don't know what's under that coat of yours and being a striper would explain your greed for money."

**Viper:** "Why you…!"

**Tsuna:** "I'm sorry you gotta go, Hyper Tsuna would you please escort him or her out please."

**Hyper Tsuna releasing an X-Burner:** "Sexy."

**Tsuna:** "I'm sorry fans, that's all he says. Next!"

**Tsuna:** "Fon, I know you got as many fans as Hyper Tsuna, Hibari and possibly Bel but I have one problem with you."

**Fon:** ………………..

**Tsuna:** "You, Xanxus, Hibari, and the 1st cloud guardian have the same haircut, what the hell is up with that?"

**Fon:** ………………..

**Tsuna:** "Are you were listening to me?"

**Fon:** ………………..

**Kyoko:** "Umm, Tsuna that's I-Pin's doll."

**Tsuna:** Are you serio……. Hold on Kyoko did you just speak?"

**Kyoko:** "Yea,"

**Annoyed Fan:** "About time!"

**Tsuna:** "You're not allowed to talk all you do is that annoying laugh that annoys viewers and I love for no reason at all."

**Kyoko:** "Why would you want me to laugh the whole interview?"

**Tsuna:** "Because that's the reason I love you! But now that you talk I'll need you to leave."

**Kyoko walks to the door:** "You're an idiot!"

**[Kyoko leaves]**

**Tsuna:** "Sorry fans, I can't do this anymore, I'll let my slave finish this now."

**[Tsuna leaves, Gokudera enters]**

**Gokudera:** "Hello everyone, right now let's bring in Luce."

**Luce:** "Hello, Hayato."

**Gokudera:** "Hey Luce, here are a couple questions from the writer of these skits. #1: Do you know that the way the characters say your name in the show means milk in Spanish?"

**Luce:** "I guess, but is that important?"

**Gokudera:** "Question #2: The writer noticed that you were still pregnant when you turn into a baby. How did the delivery go? Was Aria smaller than an average baby? Did you show up on Murray being called a whore because you were 5 years old and pregnant? How hard was it being a parent if you're only 4 years older than your daughter?"

**[Luce cries and runs off stage]**

**Gokudera:** "Well wow that went great, next is Verde."

**Verde:** "Grettings Vongola Storm."

**Gokudera:** "Hey Verde, we got a couple complaints for you, first all the fans think you're a douche. Second the writers of Family Guy are here to sue your ass for trying to steal the roles of Stewie Griffin as the evil genius baby."

**Verde:** "What?"

**Seth MacFarlane:** "We found you, you swagger jacker!"

**[Verde runs and Seth MacFarlane runs after him]**

**Gokudera:** "Okay now for the grand finale, Reborn!"

**Reborn:** "Hey Gokudera."

**Gokudera:** "Well, that's all, see you next time!"

**Reborn:** "What about my interview?"

**Gokudera:** "Reborn, I don't wanna get pwned."

**Reborn:** "I thought so, now for the behind to scenes look at Tsuna and Kyoko."

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-Behind the Scenes-

**[Tsuna opens the door to Kyoko's room]**

**Tsuna:** "Kyoko, I'm sorry for…… WTF is going on?"

**Kyoko and Hyper Tsuna were kissing in the room.**

**Kyoko:** "Tsuna, I didn't want you to know."

**Tsuna:** "How long has this been happening!?"

**Kyoko:** "Since episode 77 when I saw his sexy eyes."

**Tsuna:** "I can't believe this I quit!"

**Will Tsuna will cancel Hitman Interviews? Does anyone really care? Find out on the next Hitman Interviews or not.**

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Fon:

"They found us out it's time we moved into action."

**Xanxus, Hibari, 1st Vongola Cloud guardian:** "Right We'll bite them to death."


End file.
